you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
