Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize