Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i came on her dog
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
