We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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