There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
