So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
