There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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