lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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