Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
