If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I looked at my own cervix.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
