I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
