i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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