so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
