ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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