Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize