Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize