last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
