i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
