everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
