I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
