If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
