By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
