Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
