You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
