Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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