He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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