Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
