so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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