Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
