apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
