I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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