you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize