Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
