Apparently you make a good broom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
