I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
