Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
