You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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