Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
