Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
