i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
