just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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