im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
