i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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