Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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