i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize