I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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