I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
