And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my fart just growled at me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
