My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
