You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
