I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
