I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
