My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
