she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you had me at cake vodka
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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