I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
