i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
