I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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