I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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