How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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