dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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