Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
