she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize