i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
