my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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