i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
