I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
