Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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