I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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