I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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