You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
