From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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