You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
